One of the most frequent problems I am asked to deal with in my work is psychogenic erectile dysfunction. First, the patient must understand the mechanism that creates and maintains the problem. This is a very important step in the treatment, which is usually done in the first session. Sessions then focus on techniques that will enable the patient to increase control over their arousal. Because most men experience their problem for long periods of time before seeking treatment, it is necessary to break the vicious circle as soon as possible to stop the ongoing burden on themselves and their relationship.
What’s happening?
It will happen to every man at some point. This experience is usually painful, since it will rarely be bypassed. Men usually describe the first time they were unable to get an adequate erection or lost their erection during intercourse as a particularly embarrassing moment, which they never imagined could happen to them. Then various thoughts usually follow such as:
- “I have a serious health problem”
- “why me;”
- “I made a fool out of myself”
- “I’m too young for this”
These thoughts create feelings of shame, guilt, anger, distress.
This unpleasant experience is stored in the man’s memory, and the next time he attempts sexual intercourse, thoughts that create a sense of threat and fear pop up. These thoughts are usually:
- “will I get an erection?”
- “maybe I’ll be humiliated again?”
- “if I don’t have an erection then something serious is probably happening to me”.
These thoughts in no way can arouse a man, but on the contrary, they create intense fear the moment sexual intercourse is approaching.
But ALL men’s bodies are built so that,when the mind signals that danger or threat is coming, fear comes and then the body on a biological level prepares to face the danger.
Usually, adrenaline is produced in large quantities and causes the heart to work faster, the blood vessels to contract, so that they cannot fill the penis with blood, which is a necessary condition for achieving an erection.
In other words, when a man feels intense fear at the moment of sexual intercourse, it is almost impossible to achieve an erection, and even if he manages to achieve it, it is very difficult to maintain it.
Then, it is most likely that moments of embarrassment, dissatisfaction, maybe even despair will follow, both for him and for his partner. So another negative experience is stored in his mind. Then a domino process begins. The next time he finds himself in sexual moments the same thoughts will appear, as mentioned above, only this time he will believe them more. Therefore the fear will be greater and the possibility of failure even greater. A vicious cycle then begins that often leads the man to avoid sexual moments and situations that could possibly lead to intercourse. Some men realize that the problem is due to stress and then try to convince themselves not to “think about it”. Others “rationalize” it and try to convince themselves that they “don’t have stress”.
But the more they fight against their thoughts and above all the more they avoid asking for help, the more they think about it and consequently, the vicious circle is maintained. From the above it becomes clear that not achieving or losing an erection when there is fear or anxiety is a natural PHYSICAL function of the body.
Men’s bodies are designed so that there is good sexual function only when the person is calm and relaxed.
The performance anxiety we mentioned above, in many cases can be the sole cause of erectile dysfunction and maintain the problem for months or even years. Many men find it difficult to believe that their problem is psychological. This reflects common perceptions that, psychological problems are signs of weakness and a man should be able to overcome them on his own. Many men seem to have deep-rooted beliefs that say they must always have an erection, regardless of the circumstances, and that they must always satisfy their partner’s sexual needs. Beliefs like these are trigger and maintain performance anxiety!
Learn how to manage psychogenic erectile dysfunction at www.mindmyerection.com. Evie Kirana presents the essential and most important things you need to know in order to help yourself. The videos are in English with Greek subtitles.
