Imagine what it would be like if you and your partner had to eat every day the same food at the same time, the same amount with the same appetite! If you replace the word food with the word sex, you know what often happens in relationships: the two people who make up the couple expect to have sex with the same desire, the same frequency and in the same way. But this expectation is unrealistic, especially when the relationship is longterm.
However, when the couple can not accept and manage this diversity, it creates resentment and frustration. In these cases, the one who has less desire usually feel pressure to do something he does not want. Over time, this can lead to a greater sense of pressure, anger or withdrawal, and thus a greater decrease in sexual desire.
The one with the highest libido often feels unwanted, feels rejected and sometimes despair. These feelings can make him more persistent when asking for more sex. This creates a vicious cycle.
Strategies to address these situations can be complex and require the help of an expert, particularly if the problem has a long duration. The therapist often recommends to avoid putting pressure on the partner with less desire to participate in sexual intercourse, but also recognizes the importance of the one with the greatest desire to receive sexual satisfaction. One way to achieve both of these is with the patrner that has the lowestdesire to provide sexual satisfaction to the other, but in ways that do not involve penetration.
When this strategy is followed, the person with the lower desire enjoys that he or she can satisfy the partner, and the other with the higher desire enjoys that his / her partner cares. In some couples, this strategy may lead to an increase in the desire of the partner with the smallest desire and less pressure put on the partner with the low desire.
However, some couples find it difficult to accept such an approach, either because they feel that they should not participate in any sexual practice where they do not feel both arousal, either because they believe it is wrong to have sexual activity that does not include penetration. However, in order to allow the couple to manage different levels of sexual desire it is often necessary to get rid of such rigid beliefs.
