unhappy couple

The causes of infidelity

Why are the reasons of infidelity?

This is a question that has not been clarified, because most studies ask people about their motives of their infidelity retrospectively.

For example, those who say that their motivation was the lack of attention or reduced sexual desire, usually compare attention and libido felt in the new relationship to that felt in the long-term relationship.

However we know that in a long term relationship, although sexual desire and attraction can continue to be experienced, the intensity is significantly lower to that experienced in the first two years. Therefore, we do not know whether the cause of infidelity was the lack of attention and sexual desire or if it was the desire for even more attention and sexul drive.

In other words, we cheat, not because we are not happy in our relationship but because we want to experiense more happiness. It seems that people cheat because this way they have the ability to feel even better than what they feel in their relationship.

Moreover, many of those who cheat are satisfied with their relationship and do not want to separate. However, some sexual experiences with a new partner enables them to strive, to impress, to feel the joy of winning and novelty.

These feelings usually disappear when couples abolish differences between them them and seek to match. However, the striving, the effort, the joy approaching can be experienced in long-term relationships that respect diversity and autonomy of each individual in a contect of trust and security.

Therefore, people cheat, not because they do not like their partner, but because they want to feel aspects of themselves that have ceased to be expressed within the relationship.

However, infidelity is neither one way nor the norm. Infidelity is committed in less than 25% of marriages and per year the chance of infidelity in a relationship is less than 6%.


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