Now that most couples have sex before marriage, it seems incomprehensible that there are couples who, although married or in long-term cohabitation, have not achieved to have sexual intercourse. But the problem exists and we know that some couples, although they have made systematic efforts to achieve penetration of the penis into the vagina, have not achieved this.
Characteristic of these couples is that they keep the problem secret, not only from their relatives and friends, but sometimes even from doctors or psychologists. For this reason we have not sufficient data on the frequency of the problem. However, it is estimated that about 2% of marriages experience this problem.
Researchers in Argentina evaluated 200 couples who sought treatment to deal with this problem. The majority of couples seeking treatment was 30-40 years old and were in a relationship or marriage for a period of several years.
Specifically, 50% of couples sought treatment 1-3 years after the experience of the problem, while 20% sought treatment 7-15 years later. These data reflect the avoidance of couples to seek treatment. The most frequently reported motivation for seeking treatment was the fear of separation and desire for childbearing.
Most couples, although they had never achieved the penetration of the penis into the vagina, had sexual activity that included other practices. 77% of women had orgasm in other ways, such as e.g. with the partner’s fingers.
Regarding the causes of the problem, 64% were due to a sexual dysfunction of the woman, 16% due to a sexual dysfunction of the man and 20% in difficulties and inhibitions of the couple. The female dysfunctions most frequently reported was vaginismus and dyspareunia. Vaginismus is a dysfunction characterised by an involuntary contraction of the vagina that shuts at the time of penetration, whereas in dyspareunia the woman feels pain during intercourse. For a smaller percentage of women it was excessive fear of penetration, and reduced sexual desire.
With regard to the male sexual dysfunctions, the problem of erection and sexual phobias had the highest frequency, while a less frequent cause was premature ejaculation (ejaculation prior to penetration).
Modern sexology and sexual medicine have ways to remedy the above problems and in most cases the effectiveness of treatments is very high. However, when couples have kept the problem as a closely guarded secret for a long time and have adapted to the absence of sexual intercourse, it is very difficult for them to talk about what is happening to them and to accept any change in their sex life. This is perhaps the biggest obstacle on the road to treatment.
Gindin LR, Resnicoff D (2002) Unconsummated marriages: a separate and different clinical entity. J Sex Marital Ther 28 Suppl 1: 85-99.
